This week’s exercise is inspired by an experience I once had looking up directions on Google Maps and seeing the name of a neighborhood that surely doesn’t exist: SoMissPo, or the point at which Soma, the Mission, and Potrero Hill meet. Also known as “under all the freeways.” While it appears this neighborhood is no longer officially recognized by Google Maps, it’s a great example of the age-old tradition of real estate agents inventing neighborhoods out of thin air.
After the greater San Francisco Bay Area, the cities that top the list of most rapidly gentrifying are Denver, Boston, Miami, New Orleans, and Austin. To begin, pick one of these cities. You don’t need to live there—just like the real estate developers!—you don’t even need to have ever visited. Next, invent a new neighborhood name where none exists. You could go the classic route or create something entirely new.
Once you’ve given your new neighborhood a name, write a real estate listing that uses as many of the cliches of realtor-washing as you can stand that might appeal to the person you can imagine moving in.
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***New Listing***
2++ bedroom, lives large!
Recently renovated by the previous “owner” who never set foot in it, you’ll find generic yet pristine “wood” flooring throughout and questionable tiling in the bathroom. Forget “rooms”—so old fashioned!—instead, enjoy a cozy but flexible, open floor plan which is great for entertaining and terrible for combining work, school, gym, and home into essentially one large area. Check out the bonus space which we’ve staged as a combined office and art studio, for those of you who happen to be able to get work done in a musty basement with low clearance and no windows. Your new paradise is just a stone’s throw from the neighborhood’s many empty storefronts. Walk score of 95! Won’t last!